Sunday, March 1, 2009

Geezer Pants

An interesting (at least from point of view) thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Kay was out of town for the weekend and I found myself with a rare Saturday with nothing on my schedule. So I decided to go shopping. That in and of itself is highly unusual, but it was to be the first step of little journey. I had seen in the paper that my tailor (J.C. Penney's) was having yet another sale and decided that would be my launch point for the latest installment of my unending quest to find a pair of gray "khaki" pants. As usual, when I entered my familiar hunting ground, I found the style of pants that I was looking for in every conceivable size but mine. By this time I had fully dropped into hunter mode and was on the prowl. So I ever so stealthily moved on to the sale table. It was there, in this fertile corner of my hunting ground that I came upon a pair of corduroy pants. Having worn the cords off my last pair, I immediately locked in on the one pair of corduroys on the sale table. I eased up, slowly reached down, turned over the tag and EUREKA! they were my size! I snatched them off the table so fast, that the pair of pants laying on top of them barely moved, well at least if you count them flying into the air but still at least partially landing on the table as barely. I "sprinted" (I'll deal with that topic in another blog) to dressing room. As I tried them on I found the word "wow" going thru my mind. They fit great in the waist and hips and the length was perfect. I had successfully located, stalked and bagged my prey for the day! I AM MAN!!!!!!! As I stood admiring my conquest in the dressing room mirror, I noticed that these pants didn't feel quite like my other pants. Something was amiss. It was in a good way, but nonetheless, something was different. Then it hit me, as I had started to fasten the button on the pants, I recalled that the pants seemed to "give" or stretch a little. Upon further inspection, I discovered that the pants had elastic in the waistband on both sides. I was standing there in a pair of GEEZER PANTS! I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to do. I froze, just standing there staring into the mirror, trying to process the events of the last few minutes. I was in no mans land. Do I uphold my manly pride? I'm only 52. That's way too young for geezer pants. Do I put them back and continue the hunt? They fit so well, feel so good. A bird in the hand........ As I changed backed into my jeans, the deciding factor appeared before me as clear as the sun on a cloudless day - a little pink sticker that said - $14.99!!!!!! Were they gray? No. Were they what I originally set out hunting that day? No. Did I need another pair of "khaki" colored pants? No. Were they $14.99? YES! Were they geezer pants? YES. Were they $14.99? YES!!! Am I ready to be an old geezer? No. Am I ready to admit to being a young geezer? For $14.99, YES!!!! So here I am with a new pair of corduroy pants for the great price of $14.99 that were originally marked $39.99, having saved enough money for one day of greens fees. Yes, I am man! And more than that, I AM GEEZER MAN!!!!!!!